In a manner of speaking, it’s a happy time for me. Work’s busy, deadlines are clashing, people are arguing, there is potential for movement, I’m nervous as hell, and in a crazy kind of way it’s making me happier than I’ve been for years. The fact that I’d rather be in nervous turmoil at work than have a relaxed schedule with minimum deliverables only bothers me a little. Ha! Workaholic? Hmm…I won’t dwell on that now, maybe later.

Another thing I'm enjoying that I never used to appreciate before; in fact that I used to detest, is working with mystery doors. The type that are wide open and calling you in. I've always rather preferred perfect truths and absolute yes's or no's, clear lines of acceptables and nuh-uhs, although I admittedly never admitted to this preference, not even to myself. Well maybe I honestly didn't know I preferred life that way. But this preference is quickly fading, and being replaced with a certain excitement about "not being entirely sure". You know, like having to guess my way through a day's decisions and judgments, each one at a time. I like that my feet are softer on the ground with this daily guesswork business; really enjoying the more tentative treading than the previous steady stomping.  In a way it gives an allure to normally mundane tasks, and I no longer care much about the outcome, as long as I believe I'm doing the right thing with the right heart. I really am enjoying letting go...finally!

They say letting go is an art? Well, it  must be for someone like me, a person who's kept strict perimeters for all of life's affairs, both within and without. But let's look at a mundane task that's become exciting rather than burdensome, like...say, wishing my boss good morning every day. The person I have been used to loathe this simple act. Why? Because my boss's face is the poker type and I could never fathom what he was thinking while saying "good morning" back at me. Not knowing killed me; it left me unsure of how to react to him. But for the past couple of days, I've been letting this uncertainty take an appealing edge to it; what if I can actually enjoy the mystery instead of trying to solve it. The only thing I can really control here is my intent; so if I know for sure that I'm going in to see my boss with the proper intent to be "nice", then that's all the control that I need in this situation. The rest is mystery, so let the rest be fun.

So in a way, mysteries are nicer these days. Especially when they come in the form of dreamy liquid amber, twin pools of them. Bottomless and charming and beautiful. When locked onto my own dark gaze, I'm lost. Gone. Its frightening and irresistible. And unbelievably I don't want to solve this one just yet. Why? Well...I don't know. As I said; a mystery.